When the Therapist Needs Therapy
TLDR; mid 20's "healthcare hero" has exhausted all finances
Hi there! I will do my best to explain my situation well, so bear with me, please! This will probably be long. I am a mid-20's therapist who has found herself at an absolute rock bottom. When my depression and hopelessness became so severe that I knew I could no longer in good faith work in healthcare, I resigned. It took a trip to the psychiatric emergency department for me to realize that, even though we needed the money, I could no longer survive and stay employed. I have been spiraling since April - a near-miss with a stay in inpatient treatment, battling to find appropriate insurance, finding a new psychiatrist who would more appropriately treat me (and took the aforementioned insurance), and learning how to live life away from a traumatic and abusive family and community - or should I say, I should be trying to learn how to live. All of those costs, on top of having to pay all basic bills while not having any income, has exhausted literally everything. Right now, all I can do is try to survive. I have given my life and career working in the clinical mental health field, and I feel like I've been slapped in the face as I try to seek my own help. I don't feel quite worthy of assistance, as my passion is to always give and help, but what I can tell you is that every morning when I wake up, I pray I make it through the day without having an intrusive depressive thought. I pray that maybe I can make it out of bed. I pray that maybe somehow, money will land in our lap and give me one less thing to worry about. I was forced out of work in order to take care of myself back in April, and I have not had one day of rest since then. My physical and mental health are declining, and my medical bills are only growing. I don't even have the gas or uber money to get to a job interview right now even if I did have the mental capacity to do so. For heaven's sake, I am 26 being monitored for a heart condition I have caused from my own stress and anxiety, I couldn't even walk long enough to make it out to a bus stop. Trust me, I've been thinking. Way too much. I've tried every single avenue I could think of - and half of my job is helping people with mental health disorders make it work in the community. I've exhausted every resource. I have sat on this bed for almost three months and prayed - whispered, pleaded, bargained, yelled, cursed, and sobbed - that something - anything - would change so I could get back in the right depression. I have been able to use my traumatic childhood and own personal battles with mental health to shape me into a more empathetic therapist, and my heart is broken that I can't even do that right now. I'm done rambling, and I'm not even sure what I'm asking for. Sorry for the sob story! Just know that any help at all would be saving a life - my life - and I want to get back to saving others, too.
Paypal: paypal.me/mellis13220 || I'm happy to talk more if you have hesitations before donating.
Just in case anyone reads this like I would: I am safe. I am receiving really good treatment now. It took almost a full three months after the hospital for me to secure a med check and therapy appointment, but we made it there. We just have to pretend to have hope and keep moving forward until we do.
